「知道」是很多痛苦的開始
“Knowing” is the beginning of many sufferings
以下有幾個日常生活的例子用來體現因為「知道」帶來的痛苦：
Here are a few examples from everyday life that illustrate the pain caused by “knowing”:
伴侶出軌 Infidelity of a Partner
如果你無意中發現你某個朋友的伴侶存在「出軌（不忠）」行為，你會否讓你朋友「知道」？在「道義」上或道德層面來說，很多不同地區的價值觀價值都認為出軌是一種存在於男女人際關係的一個道德問題，讓自己的朋友知道自己被欺騙的事實看起來是最符合朋友關係「道義」上的要求及其切身的利益。
If you accidentally discover that a friend’s partner is engaged in “infidelity” or being unfaithful, would you let your friend “know”? From a moral standpoint, many cultural values in different regions consider infidelity to be a moral issue within interpersonal relationships. It may seem that informing your friend about being deceived aligns with the moral requirements and their best interests in the context of the friendship.
但假如你朋友的伴侶其後處理好這段三角關係，例如在之後因為某種原因放棄這段與第三者的關係，又或者這段短時間的不忠關係讓其伴侶得到某種人生體會後回到你朋友身邊。如果是這樣發展下去，在之後看來因伴侶短暫出軌而造成你朋友的損失看起來其實並不是很大。那麼讓你朋友「知道」卻顯得很無謂，甚至在當下對他人帶來很多不必要的痛苦。在這裡並不是討論出軌的道德問題，是思考讓朋友「知道」其伴侶出軌是否對他來說是一件好事。而且就算當下他們處於三角關係之間，至少當下也沒有人因為「知道」而不愉快，仍可繼續愉快生活。
However, if your friend’s partner subsequently resolves the situation, for example, by ending the affair for some reason or if this short period of unfaithfulness provides a valuable life lesson for their partner, who then returns to your friend’s side, the perceived impact of the infidelity on your friend’s life may not be significant in the long run. In such a case, making your friend “know” about the infidelity becomes meaningless and may even cause unnecessary pain to others in the present moment. The discussion here is not about the moral issue of infidelity but rather about considering whether it is beneficial for your friend to “know” about their partner’s infidelity. Moreover, even if they are currently in a love triangle, at least in the present, no one is unhappy because of “knowing,” allowing them to continue living happily.
「儲蓄保險」Savings Insurance
儲蓄保險的原理，是投保人將資金交托到金融機構手上，讓金融機構的專業投資團隊去投資，然後跟自己攤分投資成果。眾所周知，保險經紀如果能成功推銷一份儲蓄保險給客戶，所收到的傭金是比定期保險更多，甚至比定期保險多達百分之五十以上，所以很多保險經紀會不遺餘力地推銷儲蓄保險。
The principle behind savings insurance is that the policyholder entrusts their funds to a financial institution, which then utilizes a professional investment team to invest the funds. The policyholder then shares in the investment results. It is well known that insurance brokers receive higher commissions for successfully selling savings insurance to customers, sometimes even exceeding the commissions for term insurance by more than fifty percent. Therefore, many insurance brokers spare no effort in promoting savings insurance.
筆者這個朋友本來並沒有什麼有關保險的知識，最後經他的朋友推銷後為其購入了一份儲蓄保險。但最後筆者的朋友其後在網上「知道」儲蓄保險在保險經紀的傭金比其他保險高很多，而且在各網上論壇得知大量有關儲蓄保險的負面資訊。儘管客觀上來看儲蓄保險與定期保險各有其用途和市場價值，但仍會覺得自己因為「被騙」而買下儲蓄保險。
Initially, the author’s friend had no knowledge about insurance. However, influenced by a friend, they eventually purchased a savings insurance. Subsequently, the author’s friend became “aware” online that the commissions for selling savings insurance are much higher for insurance brokers compared to other types of insurance. They also came across numerous negative information about savings insurance on various online forums. Despite the fact that objectively savings insurance and term insurance serve different purposes and have their own market value, the friend still felt they were “deceived” into buying savings insurance.
性侵 Sexual Assault
筆者研究過一些童年被性侵的個案，很多事主在童年被性侵後，由於當時對性侵沒有任何概念，對性侵行為只能簡單判斷為一些「奇怪但又不知如何對人說出的行為」。但人隨著年紀漸長，受害者逐漸「知道」性侵在人類社會是一種對侵犯女性身體的罪行，而且更「知道」到被性侵者由於失去其「貞潔」所帶來的歧視，或者被性侵過的身體會被認為是骯髒的身體，甚至「知道」部份男性對「處女」的情結和「處女」是非常重要等等資訊。這些資訊會在受害者腦中形成一種價值觀，讓受害者不斷自我貶低自己的價值，這種因為「知道」人們對性侵的「定義」反而帶來比童年時被性侵時更大更深的痛苦。
The author has studied some cases of childhood sexual assault. Many victims, after experiencing sexual assault in their childhood, had no concept of it at the time and could only perceive the behaviour as something “strange but not knowing how to talk about it.” However, as individuals grow older, they gradually “become aware” that sexual assault is a crime against a woman’s body in human society. They also become more “aware” of the discrimination faced by victims due to the loss of their “virginity” or the perception of their bodies as dirty after being sexually assaulted. They even become aware of certain men’s obsession with “virginity” and the significance placed on it. This information forms a set of values in the victim’s mind, leading them to devalue themselves continuously. Paradoxically, this knowledge of society’s “definition” of sexual assault brings about greater and deeper pain than what they experienced during childhood sexual assault.
放下和面對所有「由他人給予的定義」可以解脫很多痛苦
Letting go and confronting all “definitions given by people” can alleviate a lot of pain.
很多事情其實如果「不知道」，那麼和這些事情「沒有發生」本質上並沒有什麼區別。
Many things, in essence, have no significant difference if “not knowing” about them, as it is equivalent to them “not happening” at all.
這是為何很多時候「一無所知」的人看起來會比「無所不知」的人過得開心愉快。與意識上的「覺知」行為不同，一般人的「知道」是會被各種由人所創造的價值觀的影響，當自己突然「知道」自己過去的「無知」時， 就會因為認為過去的自己的利益被損害而產生一種強烈不甘心的情緒，這種執著甚至大到引起很多情緒和精神問題。這或許是在舊約聖經中提及人類祖先阿當和夏娃吃下分辨善惡禁果後擁有「知道」的能力後帶來的痛苦背後的意涵。
This is why sometimes people who are “ignorant” appear to be happier than those who are “know-it-alls.” Unlike conscious acts of “awareness,” the general public’s “knowledge” is influenced by various values created by humans. When one suddenly becomes “aware” of their past “ignorance,” they may experience a strong sense of resentment, believing that their past interests have been harmed. This attachment can even lead to emotional and mental problems. Perhaps this is the underlying meaning behind the pain mentioned in the Old Testament of the Bible, when the first human ancestors, Adam and Eve, gained the ability to “know” after eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
很多人卻有意無意讓他人不斷加重這些「由他人給予的定義」的概念，例如令人覺得買到儲蓄保險就是被騙，令人覺得知道伴侶不忠就是一定是好事，令人覺得當下的「不婚」一定是不想在未來負責任， 令人覺得「處女」就代表貞潔， 令人覺得「被性侵」相等於身體被弄髒污染。
Many people, consciously or unconsciously, perpetuate these concepts of “definitions given by people.” For example, making others feel that buying saving insurance is being deceived, believing that knowing about a partner’s infidelity is always a good thing, assuming that choosing not to marry in the present implies a lack of responsibility in the future, equating “virginity” with purity, or considering being “sexually assaulted” as equivalent to having one’s body defiled and contaminated.
由於存在於記憶中的過去在記憶層面中已經成為「事實」，如何面對過去的記憶所產生的痛苦是一個非常重要的技術問題。而不是站在道德高地批判，單純宣洩自己既義憤，滿足伸張正義的期待，打著保障事主利益的旗號，反過來讓事主更深陷各種「由他人給予的定義」造成的價值觀裡面無法自拔。
The way to confront the pain generated by past memories, which have become “facts” in the realm of memory, is a crucial technical issue. Instead of taking a moral high ground and criticizing, simply venting one’s righteous indignation, and satisfying the expectation of seeking justice, it is important to avoid getting the affected party further entangled in various values created by “definitions given by people” under the guise of safeguarding their interests.
因為過去已存在於記憶之中，除非現行有技術方法讓自己完全忘記過去所有不愉快的記憶，那麼只有抽離自己於種種所有「由他人給予的定義」之外才是根除痛苦的方法，並重新審視某些「由他人給予的定義」帶來的價值觀，重新估計過去發生的事情實際對自己現在帶來的損失是否如過去預期般大，最後接受存在於記憶中所有不愉快的過去，讓它們成為單純的記憶，解除過去對現在的影響。
Because the past already exists in memory, unless there is a current technological method to completely forget all unpleasant memories from the past, the only way to eradicate suffering is to detach oneself from all “definitions given by people” and reexamine the values brought about by certain “definitions given by people.” It involves reevaluating whether the actual losses from past events, as experienced in the past, are as significant as previously anticipated. Finally, one accepts all unpleasant past experiences existing in memory and allows them to become simple memories, thereby alleviating the impact of the past on the present.
鯨落筆記whale fall notes 