筆者有一段時期因為讀書學習壓力得不到舒解而沉迷口腹之慾，最後讓身體變得肥胖。但後來為了追求一位心儀的女生而首次自發性地跑步和節食減肥。自此之後，跑步和節食的唯一「意義」就是爭取與該女生交往的機會。但筆者在跑步期間發現，抱著為了目標「努力」或「堅持」等態度會讓跑步的「任務感」很重，同時導致身體也很容易疲累。在跑步一段時候後，筆者逐漸可以專心感受跑動的過程，不帶有任何目的和期待，專注做好每一個動作，最後竟然在跑動過程中感受到「樂趣」。因為這種「樂趣」，讓筆者享受運動的過程，跑動的時間大副延長，體能也因此大大提升。雖然最後該女生並沒有接受筆者的追求，但在後來一段長時間內跑步卻成為了筆者的習慣和興趣。
I had a period of time where they indulged in the desire for food and drink due to unrelieved study stress, which eventually led to obesity. But later, for the pursuit of a beloved girl, I spontaneously started running and dieting for the first time. Since then, the only “meaning” of running and dieting was to strive for the opportunity to date that girl. However, I found during running that holding attitudes of “effort” or “persistence” for the goal would make the sense of “mission” in running very heavy, and at the same time, it would make the body easily tired. After running for a while, I gradually could focus on the process of running, without any purpose or expectation for any goal, focusing on doing every action well, and finally felt “fun” in the process of running. Because of this “fun”, I enjoyed the process of exercise, the time of running greatly extended, and physical fitness was greatly improved. Although the girl did not accept my pursuit in the end, running became my habit and interest afterwards even over a long period of time.
另外，在筆者的整個求學時期曾經因為家境貧窮而在外大量兼職，包括清潔打掃、肉類分割、銷售、飲食行業等等。一開始為了賺錢作為唯一「意義」而工作的想法，也因為筆者可以在工作過程中可以完全專心在工作的細節，不被埋怨等等的情緒影響，反而最後消除了工作的「任務感」而產生出「樂趣」，這種「樂趣」甚至讓筆者工作時完全忘記了時間流逝。相反筆者留意到曾經共事的同事們，很多時候都埋怨工資太低，或者工作性質太過「底層」而覺得有種懷才不遇感，最待工作的態度就是得過且過。因為種種的情緒慾望和想法讓自己不能專心在其工作細節也導致其常常出錯，工作成為了因為經濟原因而被迫每日進行的「任務」，也是因為「任務感」太重而不能產生「樂趣」，不但讓自己每天度日如年，也讓自己累積很多情緒而傷害身心健康。
Furthermore, during my entire period of study, due to poverty, he took on a large number of part-time jobs outside, including cleaning, meat cutting, sales, catering industry, and so on. Initially, the idea of working for the sole “purpose” of making money, because I could fully concentrate on the details of the work during the work process, not affected by complaints and other emotions, eventually eliminated the “sense of mission” of work and generated “fun”. This kind of “fun” even made me completely forget the passage of time when working. On the contrary, I noticed that the colleagues who had worked together often complained that the wages were too low, or that the nature of the work was too “low-level”, and felt not living up to one’s abilities. The attitude towards work is just muddling along. Because of various emotional desires and thoughts, they can’t concentrate on the details of their work, which often leads to mistakes. Work has become a “mission” that is forced to be carried out every day due to economic reasons, and it is because the “sense of mission” is too heavy to generate “fun”, not only makes them live like years every day, but also accumulates a lot of emotions to harm their physical and mental health
任何行動 (包括生活行為例如打掃、工作、運動、學習等等) 一開始的所謂「意義 (減肥、賺錢等等)」其實並不一定是整個行動的驅動力，而且行動前的動機也不代表是行動過程或行動後的「意義」。因為在行動的過程當中，如果可以排除自己的情緒(焦慮、恐懼、失落或自我懷疑等等)、價值觀和預設的意識形態，全情投入和專心觀察在當下的行動，就會讓人在行動當中或行動後感受到一種奇妙的「樂趣」。這種「樂趣」會取代行動前由最初的「意義」所提供的驅動力，成為一種新的驅動力。這種由「樂趣」所提供的驅動力更單純，持久力會更強，也不需要強迫自己提供「努力」或者「堅持」的態度作為催谷自己的「燃料」去行動，享受這種「樂趣」最後反而變成行動的唯一動機和「意義」。
Any action (including life behaviors such as cleaning, working, exercising, learning, etc.) initially has a so-called “meaning” (such as losing weight, making money, etc.) which is not necessarily the driving force of the entire action, and the motive before the action does not represent the “meaning” of the process or after the action. Because in the process of action, if you can exclude your own emotions (anxiety, fear, loss or self-doubt, etc.), values, and preset ideologies, fully invest and carefully observe the action at the moment, you will feel a wonderful “fun” during or after the action. This “fun” will replace the driving force provided by the initial “meaning” before the action and become a new driving force. The driving force provided by this “fun” is purer, the endurance will be stronger, and there is no need to force yourself to provide an attitude of “effort” or “persistence” as the “fuel” for your action, enjoying this “fun” eventually becomes the only motive and “meaning” of the action.
換句話說，讓人感受到有「樂趣」的行動其實是不需要透過讓自己「努力」或讓自己感到需要「堅持」就會自己主動去做，因為「樂趣」會取代行動前的「意義」成為新的意義。就算行動前沒有「樂趣」作為驅動力，也可以在排除自己的情緒、價值觀和預設的意識形態後，抱持不偏不倚的中性態度對待行動，沒有帶有任何批判地觀察和感受當下的行動而自發產生。在行動前過度的思考和尋找行動的意義只會引起無謂內耗和焦慮，反而更容易讓自己在行動前失去驅動力，更不容易踏出第一步，變成「越想尋找行動的意義，就反而變得越迷惘」的自我封閉的消極循環，得不償失。
In other words, actions that make people feel “fun” do not require one to “try hard” or feel the need to “persist” in order to take initiative. This is because “fun” replaces the “meaning” before the action and becomes the new meaning. Even if there is no “fun” as a driving force before the action, it can still spontaneously arise after excluding one’s emotions, values, and preset ideologies, treating the action with an unbiased neutral attitude, and observing and feeling the current action without any criticism. Overthinking and searching for the meaning of the action before the action will only cause unnecessary internal consumption and anxiety, making it easier for oneself to lose the driving force before the action, making it harder to take the first step, and becoming a self-closed negative cycle of “the more you want to find the meaning of the action, the more confused you become”, which is not worth the loss.
鯨落筆記whale fall notes 